she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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