jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
This Cougar is looking at me like Iβm a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
Iβm getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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