I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
