watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
