I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
