Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
