Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
