first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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