need another drink. this is the easiest way
brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
