Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
