Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
