Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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