I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
