i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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