youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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