I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
