which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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