when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
