took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
