She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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