She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
