You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
