Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
