I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize