does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
