and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize