So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Randomize
