So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
