and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
