that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
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