Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.