Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
