Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
