I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
