problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
