theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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