btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
