I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Randomize
