There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
