All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
