brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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