went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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