i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
