just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
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we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
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I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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