dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
