he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
