im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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