I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
