never play flip cup with pint glasses
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I think my moral compass just broke
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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