Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Say something about gay babies.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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