just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
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Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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