We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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