dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
