Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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