Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
