Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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