You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Randomize
