Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
