I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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