Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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