She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
