He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
