i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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