This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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