you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Randomize
