Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
