You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
