So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
